How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
