R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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