hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
