Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
