I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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