dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize