Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
