YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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