who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
