Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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