Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
