i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
