do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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