before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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