Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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