apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont even know how to be here
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
