I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
