Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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