need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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