i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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