I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
