You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
