3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can't special order awesome
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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