Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
