I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
