At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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