My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
