He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
