actually, I'm a sock model
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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