Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
