Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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