she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
