We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
