I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
