Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
