it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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