I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
