I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found your dick twin last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
