He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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