At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The adults are the big ones right?
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