I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
