Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
