I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize