So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
