I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
