i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
