i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
