sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
