M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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