Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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