Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize