I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
