if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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