I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
