so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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