I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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