Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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