You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
