Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
