the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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