My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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