please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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