I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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