Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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